Quick summary: Can't start my desktop (GUI) > No Internet access, hence no apt-get install > What the hell?!
For some reason, I have unintentionally uninstalled ubuntu-desktop from my system. That is, when I try to log into Ubuntu, all I get is the command line (tty). The command startx which is supposed to run the graphical desktop gives me some sort of "not found" error. From what I've read in forums, I'm probably missing an installation of ubuntu-desktop. Strange.